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Saturday, July 3, 2010

The one thing that most people yearn for it is to be understood.~Beverly Flaxington

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Beverly Flaxington

Beverly is a speaker, trainer, consultant, hypnotist, behavioral expert and author of Understanding Other People: The Five Secrets to Human Behavior.

The one thing that most people yearn for it is to be understood. And yet most often we don't think about giving another person that same gift. There is nothing more freeing, more energizing and more kind than taking the time to learn about others -- we gain insight into ourselves everytime we do so. ~Beverly Flaxington

If today were my last day on Earth and I could share 500 words of brilliance with the world, here are the important things I'd want to pass along to others...

I've spent many years in a variety of roles; as corporate consultant, hypnotherapist, college professor, behavioral analyst and mom to three great children. In all of these roles, I've had the opportunity to work with and support people from all walks of life. One common theme I've found, it is that we all struggle in our relationships with others. We want to be understood and to understand, but something prevents us from getting to the place we desire in most of our relationships.

And, many times we find relationships where we just don't connect, can't relate or fundamentally dislike the other person. We waste time and energy lamenting these relationships, or trying to "fix" another person. The difficult person can consume our focus and zap our energy.

The learning I have gained is the root of our problems with others is that fundamentally we simply don't understand other people. We don't take the time to examine what's really going on in our relationships and instead we rush to label and to judgment. We don't realize that we all have filters on the world and we don't "see" others clearly, because our filters blind us.

One person's life experience cannot possibly be the same as another's and yet we believe everyone should see things the way we do. We come to our relationships with expectations and baggage and we emotionally heap them on the person we are trying to connect with. In addition, our filters are clogged with different preferences for communication, different values and different views of what's important. And so we waste time trying to get ...

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